Manassas Flashbacks

I don't know who reads my blog and I'm always hesitant to share inside thoughts.  But it's my blog and this is an appropriate follow up to my last post.  I don't write in a journal anymore...tisk tisk.  But sometimes when I have a solid thought that I want to remember, I write it in an email to myself and store it in a folder.  I wrote this one recently and edited it so it makes sense (hopefully) for any interested reader out there.

Journal entry

Last week in Virginia, I’m certain that my brother-in-law, Mack, drove past my old apartment complex in Manassas where I lived the summer of 2003.  My mind instantly flooded with memories of places I drove and went to dinner and my roommates..and how I packed our dishwasher.  It had to have been the same street, because why else would I remember our dishwasher!  

It took me back in time…to the brave/bold/adventurous girl I was in 2003.  Was I 19 or 20?  Who knows but I moved across the country to chase after some dreams…not to sell pest control, mind you.  That job only lasted a month cuz it was TORTURE.  Humidity, heat, knocking doors are a recipe for disaster. So I quit, didn’t have a place to live (legally) and I was so unsure of what move to make next.  I grew immensely that summer, was close to the Lord and made some lifelong friends (Ashley Haddow included, who is now my roommate in SLC—who could’ve predicted that?).  But in the midst of chaos, it was impossible to see all the things I was learning..it just felt like growing pains. 

That summer was one for the books.  I struggled deciding what I should do, was dirt poor…and somehow I wasn’t too worried about it.  I went to DC a lot, visited Nauvoo with the ward and even made a trip to NYC. I seriously don’t know how I paid for that and lived out there without an income.  I had something figured out then that I don’t now-a-days.  I guess gas was cheap, my car was paid for (thanks to my long hours working in Jackson) and I didn’t pay rent….oh and lets not forget I lived on tuna/pbj.  Gross.  But still, kind of amazing that I was brave enough to quit a job I hated in hopes that everything would work itself out.  I wonder what that girl would think of the Tabbi of 2012?  I think she would be proud of a lot of things and how I've coped with conflict.  She'd think I was so cool because I'm a real adult who pays insurance on everything.  The thought of life/health/car/renter insurance frightened me back then...seemed like too much of a commitment.  However I think she'd probably be disappointed that I didn’t have more of my lifelong goals crossed off my list just yet.

But in response to her never ending questions, I would reassure her—

‘You can’t control it all Tabs, the chips always land where they’re supposed to.  And flowers bloom when they’re ready, not when they’re told.’  

I’d tell her--

‘This might not be what you had planned, but a lot of incredible things have happened that you couldn’t have predicted.  It’s actually much better than you imagined.  And guess what—it ALWAYS works out for the best.  The Lord loves you, the atonement is real, you've always been able to pay the bills, you have a loving family that supports your antics and you’ve made the most incredible friends along the way.  What more do you really need?'